And it's keeping me in a crappy mood! Earlier this morning, there wasn't a cloud in the sky. I woke up around 9:00, (I'm off every other Monday), grabbed a cup of tea, and sat on the patio with the dogs. In less than an hour, it was cold and dark. AAARRGHH! I was going to go for a nice long walk in the park, but I guess that's not going to happen. I guess I'll have to hit the gym.
Also, DH is getting on my nerves. I loaded up and started the diswasher yesterday afternoon. After I cooked dinner, do you think he could empty the clean dishes and put the dirty ones away? No!! That would take too much of an effort. Instead, he loaded them up in the kitchen sink so that I would take care of them. I had to get on him last night about the damn TV tray. I said that if you're going to take it out, could you please put it back?!! He'd leave it out there permanently if he could. And now I just noticed that he left a plastic bag of dirty cat litter for me to haul out to the garbage. I hate cat litter. I'd much rather clean up the dog shit from the back yeard than deal with that.
O.K.....I'm done venting for now. I'm so behind on the boards. I'm such a lousy host.
As for weight....I got down to 127 the other day. Yippee!! I've been afraid to weigh myself since. I really need to exercise. I bought a 75 cm exercise ball yesterday with the idea to sit on it at the computer to strengthen my back. It's still in the box as I'm slumped back in my chair, leg on the desk typing this. On the bright side, dh and I are shopping around for a treadmill. My plan is to get up a little earlier in the morning and do the treadmill for 30 minutes before work.
Really gotta go now - bye!
Monday, February 28, 2005
Thursday, February 24, 2005
I'm so sad right now.
I don't even care what "Taking My Life Back" Day it is today. I had an appointment with my RE today (I'll tell you the details of that another time). Ever since we lost the baby in August, I have wondered wether it was a girl or a boy. At first I didn't want to know - I just wanted "it" out of me. When we first learned our baby had Trisomy 18, I felt like Sigourney Weaver in Alien carrying a monster inside of me. It wasn't until the night we came home after the abortion that what had just happened sunk in.
We knew in our hearts that this baby was a little girl, as 80% of babies with Trisomy 18 are female. I had always hoped to have two children, but if we were only going to have one, we wanted it to be a girl. Coming from a family of boys (including all of his cousins), Bret really wanted a girl and I felt more equipped to raise a girl than a boy. Anyway, I confirmed with my doctor today that our baby was, in fact, a little girl. I have not been able to quit crying - that is when I'm not numb. It's what I expected, but somehow, the loss seems so much more real and difficult now having this information.
I'm also angry and bitter. Not that anyone should have to go through multiple losses, but God Damn It!! I'm 40 fucking years old - 41 in less than 5 months. It's not like I have another decade to mess around, here. Again, not that I want anyone to suffer, but if there's going to be suffering, why can't more of it go the the 20-somethings with more opportunities ahead of them! I want one healthy baby. I don't think that's asking too much. No....what I want is to feel normal again....to feel the innocence of my youth....to be able to walk around with a pillow in my shirt and say, "When I grow up, I'm going to have two kids - one girl, one boy, and they're going to be exactly 18 months apart.". I can assure you that I never said, "When I grow up, I'm going to marry someone totally wrong for me, get divorced by 30, wait another 8 years to get married again, and have 3 early miscarriages. Oh, and when I finally do have a successful pregnancy at 40, learn my baby has a chromosomal disorder 'incompatible with life', and have a second trimester abortion at a fucking assembly line."
And Bret wants to me think positive thoughts. HA!!!!
We knew in our hearts that this baby was a little girl, as 80% of babies with Trisomy 18 are female. I had always hoped to have two children, but if we were only going to have one, we wanted it to be a girl. Coming from a family of boys (including all of his cousins), Bret really wanted a girl and I felt more equipped to raise a girl than a boy. Anyway, I confirmed with my doctor today that our baby was, in fact, a little girl. I have not been able to quit crying - that is when I'm not numb. It's what I expected, but somehow, the loss seems so much more real and difficult now having this information.
I'm also angry and bitter. Not that anyone should have to go through multiple losses, but God Damn It!! I'm 40 fucking years old - 41 in less than 5 months. It's not like I have another decade to mess around, here. Again, not that I want anyone to suffer, but if there's going to be suffering, why can't more of it go the the 20-somethings with more opportunities ahead of them! I want one healthy baby. I don't think that's asking too much. No....what I want is to feel normal again....to feel the innocence of my youth....to be able to walk around with a pillow in my shirt and say, "When I grow up, I'm going to have two kids - one girl, one boy, and they're going to be exactly 18 months apart.". I can assure you that I never said, "When I grow up, I'm going to marry someone totally wrong for me, get divorced by 30, wait another 8 years to get married again, and have 3 early miscarriages. Oh, and when I finally do have a successful pregnancy at 40, learn my baby has a chromosomal disorder 'incompatible with life', and have a second trimester abortion at a fucking assembly line."
And Bret wants to me think positive thoughts. HA!!!!
Tuesday, February 22, 2005
Taking My Life Back - Day 13
Weight = still 129 (Hmm...do you think I should start exercising?)
H2O = 60 ounces
Food Intake:
9:00 - large blueberry bagel
12:00 - Chili's soup and salad
5:45 - mac & cheez (yes, I ate the whole box, again!)
Aerobics/Strength Training/Stretches:
What do you think?
Post Mortem:
"Do, or do not. There is no ‘try’". – Jedi Master Yoda
H2O = 60 ounces
Food Intake:
9:00 - large blueberry bagel
12:00 - Chili's soup and salad
5:45 - mac & cheez (yes, I ate the whole box, again!)
Aerobics/Strength Training/Stretches:
What do you think?
Post Mortem:
"Do, or do not. There is no ‘try’". – Jedi Master Yoda
Monday, February 21, 2005
Taking My Life Back - Day 12
Weight = 129
H2O = not nearly enough!!!!
Food Intake:
Hmmm....1 1/2 McD's hashbrowns, Healthy Choice, Rainforest Cafe pizza
Aerobics/Strength Training/Stretches:
nothing, of course!!!
Post Mortem:
O.K....this is clearly TMI, but for the first time in days I went #2!!! I feel so much lighter!
I really have got to learn this html stuff!!!!
"Do, or do not. There is no ‘try’". – Jedi Master Yoda
H2O = not nearly enough!!!!
Food Intake:
Hmmm....1 1/2 McD's hashbrowns, Healthy Choice, Rainforest Cafe pizza
Aerobics/Strength Training/Stretches:
nothing, of course!!!
Post Mortem:
O.K....this is clearly TMI, but for the first time in days I went #2!!! I feel so much lighter!
I really have got to learn this html stuff!!!!
"Do, or do not. There is no ‘try’". – Jedi Master Yoda
Friday, February 18, 2005
Taking My Life Back - Day 9
Weight = 129
H2O = 64 ounces
Food Intake:
8:30 - Zone bar
12:00 - Healthy Choice, tomatoes
3:15 - Baked Lays, CF Diet Coke
Aerobics/Strength Training/Stretches:
Post Mortem:
If I remember correctly, Bret and I went to Islands and I had more soup and chips!!
“Do, or do not. There is no ‘try’”. – Jedi Master Yoda
H2O = 64 ounces
Food Intake:
8:30 - Zone bar
12:00 - Healthy Choice, tomatoes
3:15 - Baked Lays, CF Diet Coke
Aerobics/Strength Training/Stretches:
Post Mortem:
If I remember correctly, Bret and I went to Islands and I had more soup and chips!!
“Do, or do not. There is no ‘try’”. – Jedi Master Yoda
Thursday, February 17, 2005
Taking My Life Back - Day 8
Weight = 129 (I'm not supposed to eat after 7:00 p.m., but ate a couple cups of brown rice watching American Idol).
Pounds lost this week = .5 (whatever happened to the day when I could drop 3 pounds a week?!!)
H2O = 56 ounces
Food Intake:
8:30 - egg mcmuffin, no egg
10:30 - pretzel mix
12:00 - chicken noodle soup, CF Diet Coke
4:30 - zone bar (starving!!!!)
5:00 - Jack in the Box hamburger
7:15 - veggie salad*
* Goal is to quit eating at 7:00, but just missed it by 15 minutes (and with healthy stuff, too.)
Aerobics/Strength Training/Stretches:
none
Post Mortem:
Overall, I’m doing pretty well. Trying to stay positive and focused. Trying not to get discouraged and make good decisions (after all, Bob Greene and Oprah say losing weight is a decision).
“Do, or do not. There is no ‘try’”. – Jedi Master Yoda
Pounds lost this week = .5 (whatever happened to the day when I could drop 3 pounds a week?!!)
H2O = 56 ounces
Food Intake:
8:30 - egg mcmuffin, no egg
10:30 - pretzel mix
12:00 - chicken noodle soup, CF Diet Coke
4:30 - zone bar (starving!!!!)
5:00 - Jack in the Box hamburger
7:15 - veggie salad*
* Goal is to quit eating at 7:00, but just missed it by 15 minutes (and with healthy stuff, too.)
Aerobics/Strength Training/Stretches:
none
Post Mortem:
Overall, I’m doing pretty well. Trying to stay positive and focused. Trying not to get discouraged and make good decisions (after all, Bob Greene and Oprah say losing weight is a decision).
“Do, or do not. There is no ‘try’”. – Jedi Master Yoda
Wednesday, February 16, 2005
Taking My Life Back - Day 7
Weight: 128.5 (looking good!!! Don't get too excited yet, though. You've been here several times in the last 5 months only to spring back up over 130).
H2O - 64 ounces (YEAH!!!)
6:30: cereal w/banana
9:30: zone bar
1230: Ralphs Salad bar, bread
4:30: more bread (sourdough...yum!)
Started fading at work around 11:00. I usually go home for lunch since I work 2 miles away. I just couldn't see myself going back to work after lunch, so I stayed home and crashed. Boy - do I love afternoon naps! The dogs love it, too. Our spare bedroom is in the front of the house - I call it the nap room, and they know exactly what that means!!! Down comforter (sp?), ceiling fan....man, life is good!
Gonna check the boards and crash again.
H2O - 64 ounces (YEAH!!!)
6:30: cereal w/banana
9:30: zone bar
1230: Ralphs Salad bar, bread
4:30: more bread (sourdough...yum!)
Started fading at work around 11:00. I usually go home for lunch since I work 2 miles away. I just couldn't see myself going back to work after lunch, so I stayed home and crashed. Boy - do I love afternoon naps! The dogs love it, too. Our spare bedroom is in the front of the house - I call it the nap room, and they know exactly what that means!!! Down comforter (sp?), ceiling fan....man, life is good!
Gonna check the boards and crash again.
Tuesday, February 15, 2005
Taking My Life Back - Day 6
Well....not doing much today. Feeling like shit and stayed home from work. I'll think about taking my life back tomorrow.
Monday, February 14, 2005
Taking My Life Back - Day 5
I've logged my food intake/activities off and on for years - whether it be calories, WW points, or just general annotations like I've doing here. The difference is, with all of those others I was able to keep starting over...you know, "those last few days sucked so I'm going to start over tomorrow and tear out all of those pages". Well, not so easy to do in blog land....especially since I know you guys actually read my blogs!! (Donna: thanks for reminding me that I don't need to be a saint. I really do have an all or nothing personality.)
It's easier to keep track of things when I'm at work and I can sneak into my blog periodically throughout the day. Much harder on days off (I have every other Monday off). So, today, I'll start backwards to see if I can remember everything:
6:30pm: spagetti w/meatballs, one piece of bread.
5:30pm: apple
3:30pm: Jack in the Box french fries
1:00pm: Mac & cheez - less than 1/2 box this time!
11:30am: Zone bar
Weight: 129 (yeah!)
H20: 36 ounces (needs improvement).
Watched Oprah today - it was her Bootcamp results show. Very motivational. I like Oprah a lot, but her audience bugs me. Lots of screaming, overly dramatic women. I had actually taped it, so Bret was watching it with me. I think he's finally understanding how hard it is for me to lose weight/stay in shape. In fact, he's not nearly as active as when I met him eight years ago. The most important thing in losing weight, Oprah and her trainer Bob Greene say, is to stop eating 2-3 hours before going to bed. I told Bret my cut-off is 7:00, and he promised to support me - even when we go out to dinner. The only exception is that I can have a glass of fat-free milk before bed when I take my meds.
Gotta run. More tomorrow - I promise!!!
It's easier to keep track of things when I'm at work and I can sneak into my blog periodically throughout the day. Much harder on days off (I have every other Monday off). So, today, I'll start backwards to see if I can remember everything:
6:30pm: spagetti w/meatballs, one piece of bread.
5:30pm: apple
3:30pm: Jack in the Box french fries
1:00pm: Mac & cheez - less than 1/2 box this time!
11:30am: Zone bar
Weight: 129 (yeah!)
H20: 36 ounces (needs improvement).
Watched Oprah today - it was her Bootcamp results show. Very motivational. I like Oprah a lot, but her audience bugs me. Lots of screaming, overly dramatic women. I had actually taped it, so Bret was watching it with me. I think he's finally understanding how hard it is for me to lose weight/stay in shape. In fact, he's not nearly as active as when I met him eight years ago. The most important thing in losing weight, Oprah and her trainer Bob Greene say, is to stop eating 2-3 hours before going to bed. I told Bret my cut-off is 7:00, and he promised to support me - even when we go out to dinner. The only exception is that I can have a glass of fat-free milk before bed when I take my meds.
Gotta run. More tomorrow - I promise!!!
Sunday, February 13, 2005
Taking My Life Back - Day 4
O.K....I've been out and about today, so not sure how good I did at tracking things, but here's goes:
cheez & mushroom omeletter, 2 pcs of toast
Wetzels Pretzel Bits
cucumber/tomato/onion salad, diet pepsi
cereal w/banana
H20: approximately 48 ounces
The good news is I weighed 129 this morning!!!!! Yeah (although I shouldn't get too excited as I've been there several times in the last 6 months only to go back up over 130).
The bad news is, I have not exercised one bit - not even stretched. I can't believe I've become such a couch potato (well, yes I can - see my other post from today.). When I met dh, I was exercising for at least an hour every day....aerobics, weight training, rollerblading. Now - I can't even get the energy up to walk the dogs. I swore I would always take care of myself - I wasn't going to be one of those women who used aging as an excuse not to look/feel better. Well, here I am!!! Middle-Fucking-Aged!
cheez & mushroom omeletter, 2 pcs of toast
Wetzels Pretzel Bits
cucumber/tomato/onion salad, diet pepsi
cereal w/banana
H20: approximately 48 ounces
The good news is I weighed 129 this morning!!!!! Yeah (although I shouldn't get too excited as I've been there several times in the last 6 months only to go back up over 130).
The bad news is, I have not exercised one bit - not even stretched. I can't believe I've become such a couch potato (well, yes I can - see my other post from today.). When I met dh, I was exercising for at least an hour every day....aerobics, weight training, rollerblading. Now - I can't even get the energy up to walk the dogs. I swore I would always take care of myself - I wasn't going to be one of those women who used aging as an excuse not to look/feel better. Well, here I am!!! Middle-Fucking-Aged!
No wonder I never want to leave the house!!!
I've become a bit of an agoraphobe...I really hate leaving the house. Well, no wonder! Every place I turn there's some pregnant chic/babies/toddlers. Constant reminders of what I don't have....of what I've lost.
For example, DH is in Palm Springs this weekend playing golf, so I went to Blockbuster to rent a couple of movies. I'm getting ready to check out and in the kids section is a lady with a little blonde girl - around 5 or so, with a tiny blonde girl around 8 months (just learning to walk), and she's pregnant!!! Jesus! I thought I was past the point of letting that upset me, but I felt like someone kicked me in the stomach. I wanted to scream at her, "What makes you so fucking special that you get to have THREE!!!!!" Then today I went to the mall and there must have been a thousand infants in strollers. When is it going to be my turn? Of course, I know of those babies, at least one was born to a woman who suffered years of infertility or miscarriages, but it just seems like they have it so easy.
For example, DH is in Palm Springs this weekend playing golf, so I went to Blockbuster to rent a couple of movies. I'm getting ready to check out and in the kids section is a lady with a little blonde girl - around 5 or so, with a tiny blonde girl around 8 months (just learning to walk), and she's pregnant!!! Jesus! I thought I was past the point of letting that upset me, but I felt like someone kicked me in the stomach. I wanted to scream at her, "What makes you so fucking special that you get to have THREE!!!!!" Then today I went to the mall and there must have been a thousand infants in strollers. When is it going to be my turn? Of course, I know of those babies, at least one was born to a woman who suffered years of infertility or miscarriages, but it just seems like they have it so easy.
Saturday, February 12, 2005
Taking My Life Back - Day 3
Weight: 130.5 lbs (So much for losing weight! Must be all that sodium from last night)
H2O consumed = 40 ounces
10:00 - Zone Bar w/decaf coffee.
10:30 - Cheese chunk (last piece).
1:00 - mixed veggie salad.
4:00 - In-n-Out fries, diet coke
7:00 - mixed veggie salad, shrimp, cereal.
7:30 - decaf chai tea
9:00 - WW fudgecycle
H2O consumed = 40 ounces
10:00 - Zone Bar w/decaf coffee.
10:30 - Cheese chunk (last piece).
1:00 - mixed veggie salad.
4:00 - In-n-Out fries, diet coke
7:00 - mixed veggie salad, shrimp, cereal.
7:30 - decaf chai tea
9:00 - WW fudgecycle
Friday, February 11, 2005
Taking My Life Back - Day 2
Weight: 130.5 lbs (eating the whole box of mac & cheez for dinner really wasn't a good idea!)
H2O consumed = 48 ounces
7:45 - Zone Bar w/decaf coffee.
9:30 - 4 fig newtons
12:30 - In n Out Burger (no sauce)
1:30 - caffiene free diet Coke
3:30 - pretzel mix X2
7:30 - Islands: margarita, chips & guacamole, tortilla soup
9:30 - cheese chunk
POST MORTEM:
Accomplishments: Didn't steal chocalate from work candy dishes.
Things to work on: Should have stopped at the soup, should have passed on the chips, and probably should have passed on that margarita (but boy, was it was good!)
H2O consumed = 48 ounces
7:45 - Zone Bar w/decaf coffee.
9:30 - 4 fig newtons
12:30 - In n Out Burger (no sauce)
1:30 - caffiene free diet Coke
3:30 - pretzel mix X2
7:30 - Islands: margarita, chips & guacamole, tortilla soup
9:30 - cheese chunk
POST MORTEM:
Accomplishments: Didn't steal chocalate from work candy dishes.
Things to work on: Should have stopped at the soup, should have passed on the chips, and probably should have passed on that margarita (but boy, was it was good!)
Thursday, February 10, 2005
Taking My Life Back - Day 1
Moment of Truth: 129.5 lbs.
Short Term Goal: 124.5
Mid-Term Goal: 119.5
Long-Term Goal: 114.5
H2O consumed = 56 ounces
7:30 - Zone Bar w/decaf coffee.
9:45 - 4 Fig Newtons.
11:30 - soup, rice w/caffeine free Diet Coke
2:30 - pretzel mix
5:30 - jicima, madaroni & cheese
POST MORTEM:
Accomplishments: I quit eating before 6:00, didn't steal chocalate from work candy dishes, went to bed by 9:30.
Things to work on: Eating the whole box of mac & cheez was not the best idea in the world (1080 calories!), I forgot to take my evening meds and didn't moisturize.
Short Term Goal: 124.5
Mid-Term Goal: 119.5
Long-Term Goal: 114.5
H2O consumed = 56 ounces
7:30 - Zone Bar w/decaf coffee.
9:45 - 4 Fig Newtons.
11:30 - soup, rice w/caffeine free Diet Coke
2:30 - pretzel mix
5:30 - jicima, madaroni & cheese
POST MORTEM:
Accomplishments: I quit eating before 6:00, didn't steal chocalate from work candy dishes, went to bed by 9:30.
Things to work on: Eating the whole box of mac & cheez was not the best idea in the world (1080 calories!), I forgot to take my evening meds and didn't moisturize.
Wednesday, February 09, 2005
Taking My Life Back - preview
Well, I had a lot more energy about this at lunch, but for the 100th time in the last two years I've come to the conclusion that I must take my life back - to control the things that are within my control. I am so tired of feeling like I do everyday. Have I always been this way? I'm starting to wonder. I have had dysthymia (chronic low grade depression) my entire life, but I don't remember being this down for this long. I do get joy from our 4 wonderful pets, and my husband has a pretty good sense of humor so we laugh a lot, but other than that....If it were an option, I'd never leave the house. I'd just wear sweats, eat like a pig, hang out in the back yard with the dogs drinking coffee, and watch Oprah, American Idol, and Desperate Housewives. It just takes too much energy to do anything else. It's amazing that I'm successful at work, but I am totally drained by the end of the day.
You guys will be my witnesses to my "Taking My Life Back" journal. My intention is to make entries every day with what I've done to achieve this goal. First and foremost, What did I eat/drink throughout the day, when, and why? Did I exercise? What kind and for how long? Did I take all my vitamins/meds like I'm supposed to? How 'bout maintenance? Did I condition my skin/hair? Get a pedicure, hair cut, facial? What did I do that was self-destructive? Binge? Pick at my face? Stay up too late? Drink too much? Skip my meds?
Thanks for listening. Maybe I can finally obsess over something positive and transforming instead of obsessing over my losses and fear of the future.
You guys will be my witnesses to my "Taking My Life Back" journal. My intention is to make entries every day with what I've done to achieve this goal. First and foremost, What did I eat/drink throughout the day, when, and why? Did I exercise? What kind and for how long? Did I take all my vitamins/meds like I'm supposed to? How 'bout maintenance? Did I condition my skin/hair? Get a pedicure, hair cut, facial? What did I do that was self-destructive? Binge? Pick at my face? Stay up too late? Drink too much? Skip my meds?
Thanks for listening. Maybe I can finally obsess over something positive and transforming instead of obsessing over my losses and fear of the future.
Sunday, February 06, 2005
Missing In Action
Wow! I haven't blogged since January 20th! Actually, I blog in my head every day, but never end up reducing it to writing. Such things as:
For the first time in 3 years, I didn't have a miscarriage in January!!! That's huge, I tell you, HUGE!!! Maybe 2005 will be different?!!
I actually I got a little eggie/a PEAK on my fertility monitor last week. Granted, it was on day 22, not on day 15 like I used to get before my last loss, but hey, I'll take it. We dtd about 3 times on the days surrounding the PEAK, but we'll have to wait and see. I had used the monitor since I lost the baby in August and this is the first one, so maybe my body is getting a little back to "normal" - I hope.
I got a surge of motivation to lose weight last week. Bought Bob Green's (Oprah's trainer's) new book the other day. It's pretty good. I ate like a pig today watching the superbowl, but I did exercise a little this last week. Not much, but more than the previous week. Progress, not perfection, right? My weight has been fluctuating between 128 and 131 since August. I wear the same five outfits every week, b/c nothing else fits. As much as I'm hoping to get pg soon, I'm going to be in a real predicament as I have no fat clothes left to grow into. As much as I would like to get down to 110 pounds again (I'm 5'3"), I don't think that's going to happen. Right now, I'll be happy to get below 125! I did get down to 124 during my last pregnancy b/c of morning sickness. I'm at exactly the same weight I was when I lost the baby. Before the loss, I used to joke with my husband that I wanted a t-shirt that said, "I'm not fat - I'm pregnant". Now I guess I need a t-shirt that says, "I'm not pregnant - just fat".
I really hate that I suck at HTML. I look at all of your blogs and they are beautiful. My spacing and fonts are all off. I really need to take the time and practice it. My BIL is a web-site designer. Maybe I can get his help without being too conspicuous.
I've been in such a strange mood for weeks, now. Like I've been living outside myself. I feel like I need to cry all the time, but, with the exception of watching Fried Green Tomatoes this afternoon, don't. Maybe I need to rent some sad movies - say, like Love Story or Brian's Song. That should do it!!
Well, it's after 9:00. I guess I should pull the sheets from the drier, take my drugs, and go to bed. Afterall....tommorrow is another day.
For the first time in 3 years, I didn't have a miscarriage in January!!! That's huge, I tell you, HUGE!!! Maybe 2005 will be different?!!
I actually I got a little eggie/a PEAK on my fertility monitor last week. Granted, it was on day 22, not on day 15 like I used to get before my last loss, but hey, I'll take it. We dtd about 3 times on the days surrounding the PEAK, but we'll have to wait and see. I had used the monitor since I lost the baby in August and this is the first one, so maybe my body is getting a little back to "normal" - I hope.
I got a surge of motivation to lose weight last week. Bought Bob Green's (Oprah's trainer's) new book the other day. It's pretty good. I ate like a pig today watching the superbowl, but I did exercise a little this last week. Not much, but more than the previous week. Progress, not perfection, right? My weight has been fluctuating between 128 and 131 since August. I wear the same five outfits every week, b/c nothing else fits. As much as I'm hoping to get pg soon, I'm going to be in a real predicament as I have no fat clothes left to grow into. As much as I would like to get down to 110 pounds again (I'm 5'3"), I don't think that's going to happen. Right now, I'll be happy to get below 125! I did get down to 124 during my last pregnancy b/c of morning sickness. I'm at exactly the same weight I was when I lost the baby. Before the loss, I used to joke with my husband that I wanted a t-shirt that said, "I'm not fat - I'm pregnant". Now I guess I need a t-shirt that says, "I'm not pregnant - just fat".
I really hate that I suck at HTML. I look at all of your blogs and they are beautiful. My spacing and fonts are all off. I really need to take the time and practice it. My BIL is a web-site designer. Maybe I can get his help without being too conspicuous.
I've been in such a strange mood for weeks, now. Like I've been living outside myself. I feel like I need to cry all the time, but, with the exception of watching Fried Green Tomatoes this afternoon, don't. Maybe I need to rent some sad movies - say, like Love Story or Brian's Song. That should do it!!
Well, it's after 9:00. I guess I should pull the sheets from the drier, take my drugs, and go to bed. Afterall....tommorrow is another day.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)